A few weeks ago, I was at a local burger/fries restaurant waiting in line with my 7-year-old (Seven). It was a busy Saturday and the place was as busy as Covid regulation would allow which meant there were several indoor tables occupied and several more people waiting for to-go bags of food like us. While Seven and I stood there, neither of us could take our eyes off of a table of four high school boys nearby. All four boys sitting at the booth had their heads down, and were engaging, intently, with their phones. Seven and I stood there for about 15 minutes watching them. Every once in a while, one of the high school boys would look up at one of his friends and say, “look at this,” or “I just need to snapchat one more person” or “dude, check it this out.” Which is to say, they weren’t completely, 100% disengaged with each other, more like 95%. There was some small element of interaction among them — but for the most part, it was their bodies there at the table and their brains in the virtual world. Seven was mesmerized by them — their bigness, I think. I was crestfallen. And terribly worried.
Surely you have witnessed a scene like this — it is happening everywhere and I know I’m not alone when I view it and feel terribly sad, not to mention scared for the future (and present) of our youth. I know many parents like me see what has happened to adolescence — the way it has been hijacked by video games and social media and how middle childhood and early childhood are right behind it. Our children have replaced real life with the virtual world and are hurting deeply as a result. Whether our children are age 3 or 13, it is our job as an adult and parent community to take a leadership role with our youth and collectively take the steps to shift our cultural expectations when it comes to screens. As protectors of our children, as a community, we need to act now.
I offer three tools for starting your journey towards a more connected, engaged childhood for your kid(s) and a more connected, engaged relationship between you and them. I call it the 3 R’s. Rethink, Reduce, Restore.
RETHINK: I invite parents and caregivers of children – children of any age, but particularly the under-7 crowd — to take another look at what they are actually getting in the short term when they put a screen in front of their child’s face on a regular basis and what they are actually wanting in the long term for their child as he or she develops. Most parents I talk to tell me they want a break, they want ease, they want to avoid melt-downs, they want to single-task instead of multi-task, they want their kids to have fun – those are some of the reasons we reach for our smartphones and TV remotes and iPads. When I ask parents what they really want, they tell me this: to know my child well, to see them engaged and passionate about something, to see them work hard and improve at things, to see them develop strong relationships, and for them to live healthy lives. Regular exposure to screen media supports none of these goals and actually stands in strong opposition to them. Let’s rethink our choices…let’s start the conversation. It really begins as simply as looking at what we desire in the short term and what we really want in the long term and bridging the divide.
REDUCE: Let’s get serious about drastically reducing our kids’ screen time for the overall improvement of their lives, their brain developments, and their relationships. Including their relationship with us! For the under-7 crowd, what often starts with an innocent hour of iPad time while we desperately try to get the grocery shopping done or have a phone conversation later becomes a regular habit anytime the child is struggling to occupy themselves. That child suffers in ways we may not be aware of until they are older. Let’s talk about why we should reduce screens and let’s talk about how. We can be a community that establishes accountability around this counter-cultural and very empowering choice!
RESTORE: The dictionary definition of “restore” is: To bring back/renovate – as in a custom or a tradition. In this case, I implore us all to bring back more of what childhood looked like before the time that screens completely took over (as in, all of history up until about 15 years ago). Let’s work to renovate our cultural standards once again by preserving the original nature of childhood which is, in human form, around 18 years. Let’s encourage real learning in our children by allowing them to play, make mistakes, be bored, have space, and build relationships the old-fashioned way. Let’s make this restoration the new-fashioned way forward.
Kids be Kids Daily 